Rants & Raves of Jasmine’s Fiction

I was having an IM conversation with an acquaintance today and about 5 minutes into it I could feel my blood pressure pounding at my temples.  And what was the aggravating topic? 

I swear I cannot make this stuff up.  And I quote: “I can do Black Magic!”

What do you say to people like that?!?  Okay, I play along.  I asked him to clarify.

“Oh, my friend taught us how to manipulate the energies around us.  It’s not only our energy, it’s everything everywhere.”

I hate to break it to you buddy but every martial artist worth their salt out there will be telling you the same thing.  We call it ‘chi’.  I tell him so.

“No!  You don’t understand!  It was like a ripple through the very fabric of space.  I could feel the power gathering around me!”

Hmm.  Big words from a little mind.  I try to tell him to google up Aikido, or Bruce Lee’s The Tao Of Jeet Kun Do.  He wouldn’t have any of it.

“NO!  It’s not the same thing!  My friend could collect energy around his testicles and he got us to hit him there and he didn’t even flinch.”

I’d like to hit him in his testicles.  I tell him that Shaolin monks practice the same techniques.  Only they don’t call it Black Magic.  They call it a higher state of consciousness.

“You’d think differently if you were there to see it.  It’s not just the energies.  We can even call up some ghostly spirits!  And I saw one too!  It was exactly like they described it in [the book]!  It was like a religious experience!”

Mate, gullible people like you, are the reason why cults exist.  I can see Santa Claus and the Virgin Mary in my ham and cheese sandwich but I don’t call it a religious experience.  I call it imagination.  Just like children who SWEAR that there’s a ghost in their closet or the bogeyman under their bed. 

Read enough horror stories and I can guarantee the noises and shadows you hear and see WILL bloody freaking be “exactly like they described it in [the book]”.  I tried to reason with this idiot but as with all narrow minded people, they think that their opinion is canon law.  It was like trying to push a watermelon into a straw.

I had to end the conversation before the salsa dancing vein in my forehead exploded.  Why are these people allowed to breathe???  Sigh.  All I can do is massage my temples, click on Block User Forever and eat my Santa Claus/Virgin Mary ham and cheese sandwich.

On second thought, I think I might save it and auction it off on eBay.  Someone out there might be gullible enough to actually pay me a few hundred bucks for my divine lunch.

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 7th, 2006 at 2:03 am and is filed under Gripes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.