Rants & Raves of Jasmine’s Fiction

Ding Dong alright.  Wedding bells.  It’s that time of year again - love is in the air and it spills forth the froth of lace, bubbles, balloons, wedding marches, cake, declarations of undying love, sappy love songs and Ding Dong.  Some starry-eyed people find it to be the most romantic thing on earth – the smells of sweet flowers, champagne and the cake topper couple exchanging ‘till death do us part’ vows.  Other cynical people find it to be the most nauseating fiasco on the planet – the plastic smiles, the hypocrisy, and the possibility that the those vows would mean nothing and end up in divorce.

I for one believe in the sanctity of the sacrament of marriage but the circus of a WEDDING is what gets me…  C’mon, do you have any idea the kind of planning one of these things take?  From the moment you announce the engagement it becomes like a guerrilla tactical assault plan. You start with the blocking of the actual date(s) and then the booking the church, priest/pastor/celebrant, the registry and the reception venue.  It doesn’t stop there!  There’s the dress and tuxedo, the limo, flowers, rings, attendants, seating arrangements, menu, music, invitations, hair & makeup, gifts registry, cake, thank you cards, party favours, bridal shower/bachelor party, dance lessons, alcohol, speeches, honeymoon arrangements of airline tickets, passports, holiday destinations & hotels, permits and supplies for tranquilisers for the more unruly guests, this list never ends! 

Not only that, having so many family members together in one room and giving them alcohol a recipe for disaster.  Inevitably you end up trying to make everyone happy and consequently driving yourself INSANE.  And you think these things are CHEAP???  Weddings cost from around US$10,000 to about US$10,000,000!!!  Oh that doesn’t include the divorce lawyer.  That costs extra, hehe.

Sigh.  I am unfortunately at that ‘age’ where all my mates are slowly but surely getting hitched and those of us that are left feels the pressure to jump on the wedding train.  I get the *nudge nudge* and the *wink wink* “when is it your turn?” speech at every event I attend and frankly, its starting to get really irritating.  The other irksome matter is when its time for the bouquet toss us single (and rather mortified) girls are herded like cattle to the slaughter/dance floor…

I think that when my time is up and I’ve been cornered with nowhere to run, I’ll elope.  If that is not an option then it’ll be SIMPLE.  No frills, no ‘extras’ and certainly no excessive cost!  In the meantime, at every FUNERAL I attend I’m going to do the same *nudge nudge* *wink wink* “when is it your turn?” speech to every single person who’s ever asked me that!

Ding Dong you hear?  I hear the Hunchback of Notre Dame shouting “Sanctuary!  Sanctuary!”  I agree with him.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 28th, 2006 at 7:16 pm and is filed under Current Affairs. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.