Vices
Do you ever get that feeling that some days you just need a smoke and a drink?
Yeah yeah I KNOW I’ve quit smoking and drinking for over 5 years now but I tell ya, that craving you get in the middle of the night or at times of stress or whenever the fancy strikes, that constant hunger - NEVER goes away…
Its been a long 2nd month - rellies with demands, work, mates from overseas with time constraints, work, dislocated ankles, brain tumours, weight fluctuations, insomnia, work, hike in fuel prices, skin allergies, financial turbulence, work, relationship funks… Did I also mention WORK??? Its been a real trial to say the least. Course other people go through the same thing as I do but geeze I could use a bit of a breather…
Woo, a breather like the kind that comes in a little white square box with a pretty gold trim and those lovely words M A R L B O R O L I G H T S tastefully emblazoned across the front… Filled with 20 little white cylindricals, all stuffed to the brim with carefully hand-picked and oven dried Nicotiana, all waiting to be plucked out one by one… It tempts me, calls my name, gently beckons me like a siren’s song, begging to be held and caressed… Oh to cradle one between my fingers, to slip it between my lips and oh, to set it smouldering with sparked embers of passion… I close my eyes and let the intoxicating, full bodied tendrils of ecstasy tease my tastebuds and fill my soul…
FUCK!!! I WANT A CIGARETTE!!!
Eesh. Life sucks. Literally. I can’t have a smoke because I’ve been ‘clean’ for the past 5 years and if I start I swear I will NEVER be able to stop this time around. And with the anti-tobacco squad squeezing us all like a bunch of dominatrix on steriods with steel torture clamps - cancer sticks are becoming more and more unaffordable. And unsmokable. Do you know that you now cannot walk along a pavement/sidewalk with a lit cigarette in Australia? Talk about overkill. Eventually it’ll get to the point where you can’t smoke on the shitter inside your own house! Eesh!
Moving along.
Now about that drink… I haven’t had a proper drink in a long time… No I don’t mean wine with dinner or the occational pint of beer on Friday nights; I’m talking about a REAL drink. Not the wussy kind - watered down Long Island Tea with that sordid bit of lemon, not the sissyfied Bacardi Breezer with the little pink unbrella, and most definately NOT anything with those two nasty words ‘House Pouring’!!! I’m talking unadulterated, unapologetic, full flavoured, X-Rated for adults only Drink.
A Vodka Martini (Shaken not Stirred) with 3 olives. A Bombay Sapphire, chilled to 0 degrees Celcius, garnished with a smidgen of tonic water. Round glasses filled with warm and perfectly aged Whiskey, swirled and savoured. A Flaming Lamborghini, standing on the bar, vroom vroom! Bright green Creme de Menthe on the rocks. Shots of burning Tequila with a lick of salt and a wedge of lime. Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of Rum! Ay caramba - Mojito in a thin, tall glass with a fistful of mint leaves. A sexy Cosmopolitant, New York style. Toxic shots of rancid green Absinthe with the inevitable Green Faerie hallucinations. Southern Comfort with a toasted marshmellow. And if you must have beer, Stella Artois in a frozen steiner, a proper Pint of Kilkenny in your Kilt and Shamrock or a barrel of Heineken drunk straight from the tap, foaming at the mouth!
Ok who’s up for a drink?
